Men in their 30's

Recently I went on a series of dates with the same guy. But, despite commonalities, he decided that he needed to jump ship. Via email, he explained that he's a jerk and that I deserve something better and so on and so forth. Not because there was something "wrong" with me for him, but because he's a jerk. Oh, and by the way, normally he just gives women the silent treatment but apparently, he respects me enough to bother to communicate to me that he's going to bail. Via email (by the way, when did this become the new norm for breaking things off?)

I met him on an online dating site. Now, in my opinion, an online dating site would indicate that the users are interested in dating and possibly even entering into a relationship. Ladies, beware, that's not really the case. Pretty much not at all. At least not the ones I've encountered.

Seems like men in their 30's, at least the single ones that I've encountered, really have no desire to be involved with a woman. No, in fact, they simply want to continue to live out their fantasies. These fantasies, by the way, are the same ones they've been indulging in since their twenties. And in some cases, their teens.

Hey, boys, grow up. That's completely unrealistic. You've proven that you want to have a lady at your side to have conversation with, show off as a hot number, wine and dine, fuck, and leave.

That's not how it works. I want to tell you just a couple things...

1. There are very few women in their 30's who will meet your criteria. Single women in their 30's are generally career-focused. They also are relatively confident and won't tolerate being dropped like a hot potato. Also, those very perfect women in their 30's have no time to deal with your immature ass. They are simply too good for you.

2. Don't worry- there ARE women out there who would be fine with spending the evening with you as I outlined before. And IF they meet your criteria, they're most likely in their 20's and have only a thing or two on their mind. But guess what-- you aren't their first rodeo. I hope your ego can be  comfortable with knowing that you are not special. Nope- you are part of their long list of encounters.

3. Women in their 20's will eventually settle down and marry or become one of those career focused women in their 30's. If you refuse to settle down, guess what-- you're just going to keep getting older and older. The group of women in their 20's will swap out each year for a new batch for you to play with but one day...you are not going to be fun...nope. You'll be that creepy guy in his late 30's, early 40's, scamming on women. That's not attractive....I'm sure the phrase "You're old enough to be my Daddy" isn't something you want to hear while trying to bed one of them.

4....then...you'll decide you should probably settle down. But lo and behold, you've pretty much alienated yourself. Those women in their 30's who are still single- they know you. They had fun with you and they aren't interested in your immature ass. So, who is left? The divorcees and the older woman.

Women are criminal of similar situations, but men, seriously. The majority of women do want to settle down eventually but I seem to see that lots of single men somehow think they are magically special.

You're going to grow old. You're going to bald/go gray/get wrinkly. You may want to open your mind up to the idea of a companion. Unless you really are comfortable with the idea of being completely along forever...you know...like that 70-something guy at the grocery store who buys hamburger helper by the case, still drinks Coke classic, and thinks that putting on clean sweats is dressing up.

Yeah- I can bet you that guy isn't getting laid....

His married counterpart probably is. Ever heard of Viagra? And older women can have quite the sex drive....by the way...plus you'll always have a dinner/traveling/gardening/walking partner.

The guy who dumped me- clearly has issues. Those issues aren't my problem. But what is my problem is the fact that I belong in the 30 something category of women who are career focused. I'm 2 weeks shy of my 34th birthday and my career has finally settled into where I want it to be. I'm also divorced now for 8 years.

Now I have time for a man...but I fear that, much like the outlined single guy in his 30's, I have missed my opportunity. It does work both ways; perhaps I should have paid a bit more attention.

Regardless of the circumstances, I do believe that things aren't hopeless; the outline mentioned above doesn't fit everyone. There are many shades of gray. I also wonder if we all, as a human species, started to accept each other's imperfections, we might find more opportunities for happiness.

Guy-- perhaps if you accept a woman that doesn't have the best hair or the best body...and see the beauty of her, as a person, as her WHOLE person rather than traits, you might find someone you really can be attracted to, for that long term grow-old-with relationship. If you are solely focused on something like body, height, hair color...well, those things can change. They go away.

I think at the end of the day, we all just need to keep an open mind; you never know what you'll end up falling in love with...but if you create expectations and limitations, you are reducing your opportunities.

I really hope, personally, that this is my summer for love. If you're single as well, and struggling, I hope it's your summer too....