I've had a number of conversations lately that I find so unbelievably disheartening. It all boils down to people treating other people like crap. Serious piles of crap. What's more frustrating is that it really doesn't have to be that way.
How can I discuss this on a blog that basically puts my bad dates on display and mocks the things I've lived through? Well, I feel like I can do this for a couple of reasons. First of all, I'm not dragging anyone's name through the mud. I try to keep each and every guy as anonymous as possible and unless you ask me directly, you aren't going to know who I am talking about. Period. Secondly, I find humor in these situations and I find this blog to be extremely therapeutic but I do not want to hurt anyone.
I'm entering into the time frame where lots of people are getting divorced. I've already lived through a divorce and I've behaved in ways that I'm not exactly proud of. But folks, if you're 35 and divorcing...or 38...or 40...or 22...you were old enough to enter into the marriage (even against your better judgment in some cases), you don't have to humiliate your soon to be ex spouse as well as yourself.
Destroying someone financially isn't something to be proud of. Using children as weapons isn't cute-- it's disgusting. Taking pride in breaking someone's spirit is horrible. It's a type of emotional abuse that is more destructive that punching someone in the face. And I'm really getting tired of seeing it happen.
What makes it even worse is to see men and women who are "swearing off" the opposite sex (or same sex- we are all on an even playing ground here) because they don't want to risk that kind of hurt again. So many times I've wanted to swear men off as well, but I want to keep my faith in humanity.
It hurts to see someone close themselves off completely to the joy and happiness that is most certainly possible. Instead they cling to the hurt that one person inflicted on them. That one person is not representative of all of that gender/orientation base.
Let me repeat: that horrible person's behavior is not representative of that entire gender/orientation base.
This message is to anyone who is experiencing extreme heartbreak right now. When you find yourself shutting the door to partnership with someone who will inspire you to achieve your own goals as well as someone who you want to inspire right back...remember these things:
- You are not along. You aren't the first person to have a heartbreak.
- This pain will pass. Nothing is permanent. Nothing at all. Least of all pain.
- Keep an open mind; you never know what will come your way and would you really want that awful person to dictate your future happiness? No! That would be their ultimate win.
These are things I have to remind myself often as I find myself saying "yeah, no way. I'm not going to let anyone hurt me again" which ultimately translates into "I'm not going to let anyone share their happiness with me."
If you're in the throes of a wretched divorce or breakup, do yourself (and your former partner) the justice of remembering your manners. Give your relationship the dignity of a amicable breakup. Keep those points in mind, especially the one stating that it's not permanent. Remember the past fondly...the good times...and build the wall against the hurt and NOT against your own heart.
You loved each other once; bury the relationship remembering this. Don't let the hurt take hold inside yourself.
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