Awhile back I made the horrific mistake of dating a man who was not quite over his ex wife. When I say "not quite over" his ex, I mostly mean that he seemed to merely want a woman in that "wife" role in his life. I'm pretty sure he is not nor ever will be capable of being single. But fortunately for him, since he is a man and is fairly successful in his career and whatnot, he can pretty much get some kind of woman to fill that role. I didn't imply that the woman would be stable herself, but he will never fall short of finding a woman who is ready and willing to commit.
We had been dating for a very short time, less than two months, when he told me he loved me (via email, how romantic...) which was shortly followed up with a conversation about "soul-mates". He asked me if I believed in soul-mates to which I responded "No, I don't. I think that puts unnecessary pressure on the other party to live up to some kind of unrealistic expectation when in the long run we are all mere humans. Also it gives you a reason to never actually settle down as you will always have one eye out for 'the one.'" He replied that he "...believes in soul-mates and that (I) am his soul mate and that (I'd) better be okay with that." He completely ignored the rational point I was making. As usual, it seems.
I broke up with him shortly before Christmas that year as I felt an unbelievable amount of pressure from him to move in (after a mere couple of months) and sign onto his mortgage and so on. I felt strongly that I was not being heard and if you know me at all, you know full well that I am not the type who can sit by idly, being ignored and being told what's "best for me". No way. He responded to the break up by sending me a letter detailing how and why I am such an awful person and basically a failure at life. It stung at first but given the psychotic nature of the man, I realize that his words have absolutely no weight.
Several months after the break up I was still not seeing anyone. As much as I dislike being single I also enjoy my life. I have some great friends and my family is pretty awesome as well. Plus the job I had at the time was very involved and so my priorities were: friends, family, career.
I didn't recognize his number when the text came in with him apologizing to me. After I realized who it was and what it was about, I had to investigate. It turns out that the man had a woman move into his home a few weeks after I broke up with him (...do you recall my comment about him simply needing a "wife"? En pointe...). The woman became upset and moved out. So in his texts he informed me that not only did he miss me but that "it (was) time to get back together and move in with him."
Are you nuts? Because I'm not...
Obviously I did not nor did I accept any of his invitations for drinks or sex or whatever else it was he was after. I finally had to block his phone number as well as his email address. Who knows whatever will happen with him.
Before I cut off all contact with him, I had to ask him what it was that he had gotten me for Christmas that year. I had selected a hand carved chess set for him. I thought it was a great choice though a bit on the spendy side! He told me he bought me a coffee mug that said "What do we want? Coffee! When do we want it? I'll F**king cut you."
Funny, true, but not something I'd want to put under the tree nor something I'd want to receive in front of my parents. "I love you, you're my soul mate, move in, marry me, sign my mortgage...here's a coffee mug with vulgarities."
Maybe I am more shallow than I thought....
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