I feel that it's particularly important to bring up the subject of online dating on a day like today. The sun is out and shining and despite the biting wind, the snow continues to melt and you can simply FEEL spring in the air! So for those of us who find ourselves single, spring fever creeps in around the edges and the annoyance of being alone seems to stick out even more. Though I guess I can't say that any season is exempt...in the summer who can you make love to when you're out camping in the woods...sharing a bonfire and beers...a skinny dip; in the fall how beautiful are those autumn leaves when you are all alone? Hot cider and pumpkin patches are just not the same when you're flying solo. Then winter...the long, cold, dreary and snowy winter (especially this year!). Christmas presents, Valentines Day and even if you don't celebrate those holidays, there's always the longing to snuggle up under covers while watching the snow silently fall outside.
When you're single, you are painfully reminded of it during any of these events. It is easy for a coupled off person to say "you don't have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse; it's okay to be alone." Is it okay to be alone? With all the media bearing down on the events surrounding equality, I find myself thinking "I wish I had someone to fight for, whether they are a man or a woman." Obviously that's not the point and I'm feeling especially selfish about the whole thing but really. In our society, you're a freak if you're not coupled off by a certain age. And if you go past that age and you're not coupled off then the dating pool is just a puddle, mostly filled with oil spills, spit, and whatever refuse you see on the street.
To make matters even worse, a person like me, straddled with a child and divorced once, has been veritably marked with a scarlet A; it's assumed that since I'm a single mom, I'm lazy, on all sorts of assistance programs, there's a ton of baby-momma/daddy-drama, that I want a Mister with a wallet to bring home the bacon and so on. Thank you America, for making us the criminals! But I might want to save that soap box speech for a different kind of blog.
I have been trying out online dating for a numbers of years. It has proven to be mostly disappointing though I have to admit that I've made a few good friends through online dating. Though things didn't work out in the romance department, friendships were formed and I can actually ask for insight as to why I happen to struggle so damn much.
What I find disturbing about the online dating world is the high amount of dishonesty. I won't limit this one to men because I'm sure that women are just as bad as trying to pull the wool over someone's eyes as men. The disappointing part is that there are honest men and women on dating sites that are looking for companionship while juggling kids and career and all the other challenges that life offers. Sadly, though, there are enough dishonest jerk-faced crazy-pants idiots out there who ruin it for the truly honest folks.
I have rule about posting whether or not I have a child. I don't. I don't because there are some seriously messed up men on the internet (no way!) who are perfectly content to troll around for single vulnerable women with children to prey on. I don't keep my motherhood a secret but I do not make it well known...
...case en pointe...
For awhile I did display that I have a child. A man contacted me via an online dating site. He included his full name. Now, here in Wisconsin we have a great little online database where we can, for free, give our potential dates (and friends and employers and neighbors and anyone else...) a quickie background check This guy gave me his name, to which I immediately stuck in the database. Ping! He's a sex offender. A multi-offense sex offender. "Sexual assault to a minor." What? And he GAVE me his name; obviously not the brightest crayon in the box. But how many men (and women) are out there trolling with the intention of committing acts of crime? And what of the states (and countries) that don't have free online databases of criminal activity? How are those single parents supposed to protect themselves?
No, I choose to leave my parental status a private matter. I don't want to attract the aforementioned unsavory types and frankly, dating is my business until it needs to be her business as well, and it's my job to protect her to the best of my ability even if it means protecting her from my own bad choices.
No comments:
Post a Comment