I am Definitely Crazy

The term "crazy" gets tossed around quite a bit. I've had it applied to me a handful of times, right at the end of the relationship. I personally prefer it when there is laughter attached to the label "hahaha, you're fucking crazy Tessa!" Am I really? Or are you just emotionally lazy.

My sister was home for spring break, up from Austin Texas. She and I had decided to head to the Science Museum of MN on a Friday as I was also on a spring break. It felt like an enjoyable way to spend a very early spring day.

John had expressed an interest of joining us the previous week and a half or so. I told him that he was welcome to join us. He explained that he'd have to find out what his work schedule would be like on that Friday and that he'd let me know.

Usually he knew what his work schedule was like the Sunday before the start of the week. So Sunday evening I called him and he said he wasn't sure yet but that he'd let me know. Knowing that John was notorious for NOT letting me know (especially when it came to my time -- more times than I can count had I been waiting on him for hours, without even so much as a returned text message. This after I had arranged babysitting for my daughter and turning down plans with other, more reliable friends. But it's my fault - I tolerated it! Maybe that's the real part that made me crazy...).

I hadn't heard from him by Wednesday so I shot him a quick text to say "hey, what's up for Friday - are you coming?" which was responded with a two hour verbal lashing about how I was nagging, bitchy, bossy, and so on. It got so bad that I turned off my phone and held back the tears until I could get home from work.

The very next day I had joined him and some friends to go out and have drinks. I was speaking with one girlfriend and telling her how my sister was home for the week and how the following day we were going to the Science Museum.

Keep in mind that I still did not know if John was joining us.

On our way walking home, John asked me why I hadn't included him in the plans to the museum while talking to our friend about it. (This was not a good way to start the conversation).

"Because I don't know if you're joining us."

"Well, it made me feel left out and I thought it was rude."

"I didn't want to ask you if you were coming because of what happened on Wednesday; I wasn't interested in being dragged through that again."

"It was rude."

"Well, we're going with or without you. So are you coming with us tomorrow?"

Long pause.

"No, I have to work."

I'm pretty sure my heart was going to explode; I was furious. He dared to tell me that not including him in the plans was insulting and rude and it hurt his feelings but he didn't bother to tell me he wasn't going to be joining us?

"When did you find out that you are working tomorrow?"

"Yesterday afternoon."

"After our text conversation? I thought you were going to let me know right away?"

I felt I had full grounds to lay into him about how dare he attempt to make me feel guilty over something I had no idea about...because he had made me feel guilty about asking about it...even though he had the answer.

But I'm crazy. I'm crazy because I expressed my feelings about this situation.

I found and article (Labeling Women Crazy) that expresses my thoughts better than I can about the label "crazy." If you have ever been called crazy or have used this term to hurt someone, I employ you to read this article. You might learn something about yourself (I did -- as in, I started to believe that I was "crazy" because my emotions were inconvenient for my father, my brother, and nearly every relationship I've had since...)

I have never felt more sane and stable in my entire life than I do right now because I simply refuse to listen to the intellectually and emotionally lazy label that so many men like to apply to women...feel free to call me crazy...but beware...refusing to consider that I'm any emotion other than the one you're capable of dealing with makes you...lazy...