Vroom Vroom CRASH!

Today at lunch a coworker made a jest towards me; she asked me if I had been in a cruddy mood yesterday (I had) and went on to tell me that it had influenced her mood. She was taking a walk with her hubby and picked a fight. I told her that I wasn't going to take responsibility for her fighting. Don't worry though, as far as I know, it was all in good fun.

It made me reflect upon the catalyst for a breakup. A BIG breakup.

Ohhh, I loved John. I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him! I'd enthusiastically join in with his hobbies, regardless of whether or not I found them interesting. I embraced his lifestyle and attempted to get to know his family. I am, in fact, still friends with his family and we have many mutual friends.

But talk about the blame game. In the last six months or so of our relationship I had started to become far more assertive. Some of my big hobbies include traveling and camping, both are activities that he did not care for. That's perfectly acceptable, of course, though disappointing because getting him to go traveling or camping with me was like pulling teeth. I would travel all over for his solar powered electric car stuff but a camping trip? Forget it.

The autumn before my second year back at school I had gone ahead and scheduled a late summer trip for myself up to my (hands down) favorite place on earth. It's fabulous that my favorite place on earth is a five hour drive along Lake Superior, especially since I've lived in Alaska, traveled around Europe a little bit and spent several weeks in Australia. Grand Marais MN is my recharging station; it fills my heart and soothes my soul. However ridiculous that sounds.

I had extended the invitation to John but insisted that it wasn't necessary that he join me. I explained that this trip was something I had to do for myself, regardless of his company. I did thoroughly explain to him that camping in Grand Marais is very, VERY laid back; I haul my sweet queen sized air mattress (complete with battery operated pump -- you won't get my blowing that thing up with my mouth!), I read a lot, I draw and sometimes bring watercolors. I like to hit the trails and indulge in a little Lake Superior trout caviar. There is no agenda other than to rest and relax. Sleep. Make great food. Stay up late and drink. He said he'd like to join me. Granted.

A month before the trip he expressed how he wasn't interested in going. I said that it was perfectly okay if he decided to stay back. No, he insisted that he wanted to join me, acknowledging that it was important to me. Then a few weeks before the trip, the same conversation came up again. I, again, told him he did not have to go. He told me he had spoken with a mutual friend and that she said that it was respectful that he join me up there and that it was special to me; he should be happy that I'd want to share that with him.

The Tuesday (how could I EVER forget what's about to happen) before the trip, I received a phone call from him. He'd been in a car accident. I immediately asked if he was okay, he was. I couldn't talk long due to being at work. But that even, thy shit hitteth thy fan...

John explained to me that he'd blacked out (oh, I should insert that no one was hurt but his work van was totaled and there was some property damage) and had driven off the road. I asked him how and why it happened -- it was explained to me that he'd been thinking about the camping trip and it stressed him out so badly that he blacked out.

...my camping trip stressed him out so badly that he blacked out and totaled his van...

...

{REPEAT: I did thoroughly explain to him that camping in Grand Marais is very, VERY laid back; I haul my sweet queen sized air mattress (complete with battery operated pump -- you won't get my blowing that thing up with my mouth!), I read a lot, I draw and sometimes bring watercolors. I like to hit the trails and indulge in a little Lake Superior trout caviar. There is no agenda other than to rest and relax. Sleep. Make great food. Stay up late and drink.}

...my camping trip stressed him out so badly that he blacked out and totaled his van...

If your mouth is on the ground then you are reacting appropriately.

If you are at a loss for words, the appropriate phrase is "what the fuck?" Yes, "what the fuck."

I ended it that night.

(he's still single...but then again, so am I)

P.S. I went camping anyway, by myself, and had (hands down) one of the best experiences of my life. In a way, it was a blessing in disguise